When we step into the consciousness of needs, we no longer hear, or speak from, anger, blame, shame, disconnection.
I will return from the Mideast at the end of April. Please contact me to attend or schedule events in the US.
info@steps2peace.comMid-East Peace Initiative
Chassidut and Compassionate Communication
First in this series: Transforming Anger
Jerusalem February 8
7:30- 10 pm
with Emuna Witt and Roberta Wall
English only
Pre register here
Communication Workshop for Couples
Bar Giora ( outside of Jerusalem)
February 24-25
with Roberta Wall & Yoav Aptowitzer
a small and intimate exploration in English and Hebrew
Info and Register: Yoav 0547704668 or
yoav.aptowizer@gmail.com
Nonviolent (Compassionate) Communication
Training and Retreat Weekend for Palestinian and Israeli Women and girls over 12
March 22-24 details
Eco ME Center near Dead Sea
with Hagit Lifshitz, Arnina Kashtan and Roberta Wall
English, Arabic and Hebrew
Donations are needed to support this very special weekend training
limited number of spaces available for friends from other countries; please inquire
info@steps2peace.com
Click Here to Read More about previous trainings in Israel and the West Bank
Arabic
Hebrew
Special Invitation to Organizations
Click Below for Payment and Donations for this Training and to Make a Donation to Mideast Peace Initiative (Inquire at info for tax deductible contributions):
Roberta offers private consultations, mediation, communication coaching and dispute resolution.
Nonviolent Communication practice group starting in Woodstock area- email to inquire
We also will help you find an empathy buddy! Send an email if you'd like this support from me.
NVC at work in Israel and Palestine
Roberta is available for talks and workshops in your community!
Read more on my blog:
http://robertaindia.wordpress.com/
From Roberta, after an NVC training in Bethlehem:
Toward the end of the 2 1/2 hour session, I was feeling uneasy, maybe hopeless, wondering if this will really make a contribution to peace. Can this training really contribute to the Palestinian women in the room, to Israelis, religious and secular, all of whom are deeply longing for freedom, choice, stability, a community where their children, families and cultures will thrive?
Just then, a Palestinian woman who had spoken several times during the class series about her needs for appreciation in her family and also about her suffering at the checkpoint, blurted out, "I want to learn Hebrew. I want to be able to speak directly to Israelis. Then we can make peace."One after the other, the women sitting around her said, "me too. I want to learn Hebrew."
My heart leaped with surprise and delight. After two hours of giving each other empathy in the room, empathy for our hopelessness, for the hardships, the longing for freedom and empowerment, without any pressure, a new solution! A new strategy arises. This is the miracle of listening and connecting, of empowering people, with the support of NVC ,to create solutions.
A friend in Jerusalem, a Rabbi, agreed to travel to Bethlehem weekly to give Hebrew classes. This hasn't worked out yet. We are looking for volunteer Hebrew teachers in Jerusalem and other support to get this going!
From a recent email from Israel:
Background: After an NVC workshop here, members of this religious community in Israel consulted me as an opportunity to "put NVC into action" when they were upset to see markings on the wall of a newly constructed community facility. The NVC model and consciousness helped us identify and connect to the needs of the community that weren't met by what happened; and then people opened to exploring the needs that the person was wanting to meet by doing what she did. We guessed her needs may have been creativity, self expression and inclusion.
I was deeply moved by the love,openness and willingness of the community members to value her needs. Out of this work together, a new strategy arose- to invite the person to create a beautiful mural in the space.
This is an excerpt from a recent email I received:
After... Rivka (name changed) has started to paint the bathroom in beautiful blues and greens and it looks so far very watery. I look forward to seeing it being completed. I'm so happy that we were able to resolve that situation without anyone being put down, hurt, humiliated, etc.
...Actually, last Rosh Chodesh I hardly was able to go, but the one thing I went to, was Hagit's (NVC) workshop. It was very interesting, especially since I had had a very giraffe/coyote exchange with my husband that I shared. Y.( name changed) had been holding on to all these suits of his father's and they've been in our very small house with it's very limited storage space for over 18 years!! And every year when I was doing Pesach cleaning, I'd beg him to please do something with them, anything, but to get rid of them. Anyway, 18 years later, I said to him, "I assume that you're attached to your father's suits and you don't want to get rid of them, that they are a connection to your father." And of course, he agreed. Two days later, the morning of the rosh chodesh gathering, he announces to me that he's getting rid of the suits and he did!! It was nothing short of a miracle!
"The decision to parent with NVC is grounded in a commitment to nurturing trust and connection within the parent-child relationship.With NVC parents can experience compassion both toward their children and toward themselves, express themselves with power and care, find strategies for daily living that are more likely to meet everyone's needs and increase trust that everyone's needs matter, even when we do not find strategies to meet everyone's needs.
By transforming parenting, parents can participate in raising a generation of children who have models for living peacefully and compassionately, and who have the skills and consciousness needed to contribute to a peaceful society."
Inbal Kashtan, Bay Area NVC
What is our true purpose as parents?
With Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, we learn to model and teach younger children that their needs matter and, as children grow, we help them learn how to ask for what they need in ways that are not at the expense of their well being or their connection with others, or at the expense of other people's needs.
The NVC parenting model is Life Enriching and Life Affirming as opposed to the model that is either excessively permissive or based on domination. This means that with NVC we identify and value what is important to everyone in the family, and learn skills, consciousness and ways of expression which reflect this value. This builds trust and communication, and creates the possibility for parenting that reflects the values of compassion and honesty.
Private Sessions/Coaching/Mediation: contact Roberta to schedule : info@steps2peace.com
"Roberta,
I have to thank you again, not so much for myself, but my sister was transformed by your modeling of NVC. She knew there was something to it, but I guess I wasn't getting across the core idea of allowing yourself time to get in touch with how you feel, and what the need is, before responding to someone's triggering words or behavior. Maybe it's because I'm her brother.
I have to take some credit though, since I've been trying to model NVC for almost 2 years now! She already has started to use it with her kids, ex-, etc, with immediate results.
I'm sure she'll be getting in touch with you to do a group in her town."
"After attending the workshop two weeks ago, my home life with my family has shifted to an easier peaceful place already.
One afternoon workshop with Roberta has already had a positive impact in my home life."
For additional information about Nonviolent Communication go to www.cnvc.org
Additional NVC in Ulster County
www.PracticingPeace-NewPaltz.
Recent Feedback on Roberta's training for a Social services agency:
I want to give you some feedback on our class. I am enjoying being in your class, and your presence, having been away from your teaching for over a year now.
http://shambhalatimes.org/2009/01/31/buddhism-and-nonviolent-communication/
 Roberta Wall offers trainings inspired by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication. Contact her at info@steps2peace.com |
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Roberta Wall is a lawyer, mediator, trainer, parent, activist, mindfulness practitioner and coach. She lives in the beautiful Hudson River Valley of Upstate New York and travels the world coaching couples, individuals and organizations and facilitating workshops and retreats inspired by Empathic and Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Roberta's teachings also are informed and inspired by many teachers including NVC trainers Robert Gonzales and Barbara Larson, Buddhist teachers Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama, and teachers and rabbis from her root Jewish tradition. Roberta offers workshops in service of peaceful resolution of conflict, individual and organizational growth, and community and spiritual development. Her clients and students include individuals, organizations, businesses, communities and families throughout the world. She offers trainings to public and private institutions, networks and organizations, government and social services agencies, lawyers, mediators, schools, doctors and social workers. Mailing Address: 48 Blue Mountain Manor Saugerties, New York 12477 845 246 5935  More articles by Roberta are found at my email archives Roberta's Work in Jewish Community by Rabbi Jonathan Kligler, Woodstock Jewish Congregation With clarity and compassion, Roberta Wall brings the fruits of her practice and teaching of Nonviiolent Communication to all manner of groups in the Israeli and Palestinian communities. I have asked Roberta on several occasions to share with us at the Woodstock Jewish Congregation stories of some of her successes and struggles teaching NVC in Israel/Palestine, and I am always moved by her courage, humility, clarity and skill. When she speaks with us, Roberta models the principles she teaches, and it becomes clear that she is offering a rare gift: a truly non-judgmental and open-ended forum in which participants, Israelis and Palestinians in this case, can open themselves to the possibility of transforming their relationship with their adversaries, one person and one heart at a time. I am impressed and encouraged by Roberta’s work. My mother’s favorite quote is “There is no solution; seek it lovingly.” Certainly in the Middle East it appears that there is no “solution”, but Roberta teaches us to nonetheless seek that solution lovingly, and each life she touches is richer for it.
Nonviolent Communication in Bethlehem and Hebron, by Roberta Wall Engaging Without Blame A new friend from the West Bank sent this to me last week. http://www.closedzone.com/ Can I, can you, watch this without falling into blame or shame? The journey of Nonviolent Communication, of Nonviolent Thinking, is where we learn to fully face our life with open eyes, and also without blame or shame. Can I encounter, fully feel, fully take in, what I am hearing, seeing, touching, without falling into blame or shame? What is it that is scary about watching, listening, opening my eyes, without falling into blame or shame? Is it fear of indifference? Fear that if I don’t take sides, if I stop judging who is right and who is wrong, who is victim and who is victimizer, who is good and who is bad, that I will be condoning a world where people’s needs are not valued, where people are not cared for, where some people’s needs are met at great, catastrophic cost to others? Read more To receive our blogs and share your thoughts about this ongoing work, please sign up at Steps2peace Report on Mideast Initiative To be on the steps2peace mailing list, please sign up at info@steps2peace.com To view earlier reports and writings by Roberta Wall, please visit Steps2peace Archives . With deep appreciation, Roberta What is Nonviolent Communication? From Robert Gonzales: "Nonviolent Communication (NVC) comprises a set of premises and practices that cultivate a living and embodied consciousness of compassion. At the heart of NVC are human needs. Needs are seen, rather than a lack or deficiency, as that life force/Life moving in and through us seeking fulfillment, aliveness, and wellbeing.
NVC is a process founded on a language and communication, which guides our attention to that which is most human about us. What emerges when this process is lived, is authentic honesty and empathic listening. Robert's work with sharing NVC has evolved into a deep work of Living Compassion, which points towards the spiritual dimensions of NVC and includes both deeply, transformative inner work as well as intensely practical, in-the-world aspects of inter-personal relationships.
Workshops include demonstrations of integrating compassionate communication and opportunities to practice what is demonstrated in small groups. Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl |
I will post Your NVC Story Here- Hundreds of people have been practicing NVC in the Hudson Valley, Irael, the WEst Bank---Let's share our successes and insights HERE with each other!!
Send your story to info@steps2peace.com
From a Saugerties NVCer:
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An ongoing romantic relationship
has been helped tremendously by my understanding and practice of
Nonviolent Communication. What began as a friendship progressed to a
more romantic involvement, then it seemed to revert back to friendship, but
then it re-reverted to a more serious yet lighter (if those two attributes
can co-exist) romantic relationship. While this back and forth may seem
like a recipe for turmoil, it hasn't been that way, and I think the
difference has been my understanding of her needs and feelings as well as my
own. I have been able to hear whatever
she's said about our involvement with each other as an expression of her own
needs. While I was sad at times because I wanted something other than
what was, my being clear about what she needed allowed me to simply enjoy
what was because I recognized just how many of my needs were being met by the
quality of the time we were spending together. The level of
communication between us has been deep, and this has been so gratifying and
satisfying. My NVC experience has met my need for understanding
and communication and connection. I'm excited about this, too! |
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From Mary Oliver's latest volume, Red Bird,
"Invitation": |
Oh do you have time
to linger
for just a little while
out of your busy
and very important day
for the goldfinches
that have gathered
in a field of thistles
for a musical battle,
to see who can sing
the highest note,
or the lowest,
or the most expressive of
mirth,
or the most tender?
Their strong blunt beaks
drink the air
as they strive
melodiously
not for your sake
and not for mine
and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude–
believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing
just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in this broken world.
I beg of you,
do not walk by
without pausing
to attend to this
rather ridiculous performance.
It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
You must change your life
Late, rainy August. If
you are like me, it’s really hard to get motivated
to do anything with all
this rain. It seems like a metaphor
for life- flooded with feelings, stresses, tasks, and I get triggered. I
tell myself it’s the rain, the external, and, after a bit of searching, I see it’s
the inner weather report that is at the root and that I can direct my inquiry
and energy to. Every time. Come deepen our Nonviolent Communication Self
Empathy practice- let's look at, and embrace, and find the wisdom of, our
internal images and self judgments that are at the root of why we get
triggered. Join us in this exploration this
September.
August: I've just returned from an NVC Family Camp on
July: This blog entry ends with a new poem from Mary Oliver (scroll
down) that unfolds the gift of taking your time. Watching the first
mesclun seedlings bravely unfurl from the soil this morning, the ducks linger
lazily on the creek- everywhere the world is teaching us to "take your
time." And what about in our relationships? In the most precious jewel of intimate
and satisfying connection with another human being- what stops us from taking
our time to connect? From lingering with the tender shoots of intimacy
when our loved ones reveal what is in their hearts- their vulnerability that
comes with fear, anger, frustration, love. Sometimes it’s hard to hear the
beauty and vulnerability in the message. Whether we step into NVC for business
mediation, a conflict with a loved one, self inquiry, or deepening an
important relationship, NVC is our ally in learning to take our time to let the
tender shoot of connection unfurl.
April '09
I’ve been thinking a lot this month
about hard –to- hear messages and difficult- to -deliver messages. A friend was
telling me the other day about a friend of hers who said to her, “when you do
this, you make me feel resentful.” And then I received an email two days
ago, that ended with, “ We have been more than accommodating of your
requests to date but your behavior is now causing our family a great deal of
stress.”
Do you,
like me, feel a tightening in your belly just hearing these messages? I
know I am triggered as soon as I feel that tightening, and in this triggered
state, I am only able to hear one thing - someone blaming another person for
the way they feel, holding the other person responsible for how they feel. I’ve
lost my mindfulness, my NVC, my aspirations to hear and listen to others with
an open heart and compassion.
My
exploration of NVC these days is very focused on understanding what happens
that sends me to this triggered place? How can I hear a difficult message, and
get to the place where I only hear someone saying “please” to me- where I
can hear their “please” as a gift to me- the gift of letting me know what is
important to them, alive in them, what I could do to make life more wonderful
for them. How do I get there from the triggered place, and how can I change my
habitual responses so that I go there instead of to the habitually triggered
places?
I’d love to hear from you how you are
working with these same issues, and whether this speaks to what is important to
you in your communication and transformation?
Passover and Nonviolent Communication
Mitzrayim is the word in the
Torah for the triggered place- where you go, what happens, when you hear
something or see something or think something that sends you into a tight
closed place- in ancient Hebrew texts, that place is Mitzrayim- Egypt. Passover
is the story and map for how we as individuals and as a people can transform
the stuck places inside of us and around us. Pharoah- the inner or
outer Pharoah- is stuck, identified with what we call in NVC a life ailenated
place- a place where we have stoped up the flow of life, so can't
see the other person's aliveness and can't access the place inside
ourself where that flow can bring us into connection.
" Liberating your Dream "is
an NVC workshop where we work individually, in small groups, and then in the
group as a whole, to identify our dream of freedom for ourself, then meet (give
empathy to) the inner voices that hold us back from stepping into freedom. And
then we put ourselves into connection with the energy of our dream- what we
want to do or say, but have been held back by fear or other obstacles.
With
Parents and Children:
"Have to let you know that when my 18-month old was
enjoying the sound of slamming the cabinet door this morning I said,
"Sawyer, I really need some peace for a little while. Can you help me with
that?" He shut the door, sat down, and started to do a puzzle. Crazy! It
is much simpler than trying to be patient for 5 minutes and then losing
it!"
We dream that all
parents everywhere find relief from struggling with their children and have all
the support they need to raise their children in accordance with their values. We want to build a
society where parents cherish and enjoy time with their children,
attend to their own needs for rest, rejuvenation and self-care, and have
meaningful and supportive relationships with their significant others. We
want to help parents gain the skills to inspire joyful cooperation from
their children and teach them the values they hold dear, while forming strong,
life-long bonds with them.
www.steps2peace.com
With Couples:
“Roberta created a safe
place and supportively guided us to be honest and loving and I am happy to
report it sent us down a path of closeness again...”
At retreats and
workshops:
"As I watched Roberta roll with the
different flows of the retreat, I was inspired to let go of the controls a
little bit in my own life.”
"At the end of
the workshop I realized I saw for the first time that needs need not be in
conflict -that I can get my needs met, not at the expense of others getting
their needs met. Roberta is a great teacher and, full disclosure, she's
my mom!"
Private Coaching:
"Roberta's
skillful coaching helped me to understand the interplay between the thoughts
and feelings arising out of my needs and how the choices I make are always
attempts to meet those needs."
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With
organizations and businesses: |
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Roberta
coaches a start up company in Mysore, |